What a quiet delight it is to return to my blog after more than a month away.
It’s been a time of deep reflection, and of careful prioritising in order to make best use of what little energy I have each day. For that second stroke, tiny though it was, has further reduced my stamina — for walking, for reading, for writing, for sitting up at the computer or chatting with visiting friends.
It was also a sobering wake-up call that compelled me to reflect on issues we in this society tend to ignore or deflect or defer. My body, true and strong and reliable for so long, has let me down spectacularly and unexpectedly. Having served me so well, it is wearing out long before I expected it would, propelling me into ‘old age’ at a time when I anticipated travel, expanded socialising, a wide range of possibilities and choices.
My dear body is forcing me to focus on reality rather than dreams and hopes and possibilities; it has given me the gifts of living in the present moment, and of practising grace and deep acceptance.
So what have I been doing these past weeks that has kept me away from my blog and from working on my memoir? I’ve been getting my affairs in order. Filling out forms — a task that has been difficult and taxing for me ever since the first stroke — to organise enduring guardianship and enduring power of attorney. And preparing an extensive advanced health care directive, just in case.
Completing these legal documents has required me to talk to doctors and lawyers about real and confronting personal details in order to ensure, as best I can, that my children will be fully and well supported should my body render me unable to speak or care for myself. It’s been quite a journey.
And it has brought me, eventually, to a place of deep peace and gentle optimism.
getting my affairs
in order — peaceful heart mind